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Post by Matthew Razorblade on Feb 22, 2009 20:08:46 GMT -6
Matthew looked over at him. "Wow sounds like you've got something going for you." He told him. He thought for a moment before answering the boy's question. "Well i don't know exactly, probably on my own. Grandparents don't want anything to do with me so it's either on the streets or stay right here." He said. He chewed on his lip and studied the paper in front of him. The staff was covered in markings and symbols and the margins had little notes on them. Like, got interrupted by this kid named Aiden he seems cool or the sun's bright for the middle of winter. The paper was like not only where he wrote his music but where he jotted down his thoughts. It was to remind him of things later. His combat boot covered foot tapped on the ground and his fingers moved along the keys without really presisng them down as a tune came to his head. He looked over at the boy. "So, What else are you good at?" He asked as he pushed his sleeves up. The scars on his wrist were still very visible but you couldn't see them from the way his wrists were facing. He wasn't ready for people to know his whole life story just yet. He had messed up. bad.
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Alex Thomas
Senior
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Posts: 86
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Post by Alex Thomas on Feb 22, 2009 20:49:18 GMT -6
And I don’t want the world to see me…
…Cause I don’t think that they’d understand. Alex wasn’t sure how to reply when Matthew actually answered his question. He wasn’t prepared for that, let alone the answer. Of course, he knew that there were people in the school whose families were just as fucked up if not more so than his. Alex watched as Matthew worked on something, Alex wasn’t too sure what; but, he wasn’t going to interrupt. When the other boy asked what else he was good at, he shrugged. “Sarcasm, I’m really good at that,” he replied. “Lying to anyone and everyone. Oh, and pushing people away…especially when they actually care. That’s a specialty of mine, actually.” He twisted the bracelet with square beads that he had on his left wrist around as he spoke, feeling the urge to move. He wasn’t too sure why he was being so honest with Matthew. He didn’t really know the guy. But, that didn’t stop him from speaking. Matthew felt trust-worthy, though…at least more so than most of the gossip freaks in the school. Plus, that bit of information wasn’t too much of a secret. Most anyone could tell that about Alex if they spent enough time around him. He didn’t usually give people that chance, though. He didn’t even realize he’d looked down at his hands until he looked up at Matthew again. He smiled slightly before looking back down at his wrist, continuing to play with the jewelry made from stuff he got from a Wal-Mart. “What about you?” he asked as he looked back up. “What else are you good at?”tag;; matthew word count;; 258 ooc;;
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Post by Matthew Razorblade on Feb 22, 2009 21:05:56 GMT -6
Matthew chuckled. "I'm good at that too." He told him. He looked up at the boy. "Building walls, being alone, causing others pain because of things i've done." He said. He looked down at the keys. This boy was easy to talk to and easy to get along with. It was hard for Matthew to get close to people considering he was so good at hurting them and himself. He had alot of insecurities. He was really fucked up in the head. He looked down at the boys hands and watched as he messed with the jewlery. Matthew reached out a hand and pulled the boys wrist up. He studied it for a moment. "I like that."[/ b] He commented on the jewlery he let go of the boys wrist and looked down at his own arms. they didn't have anything on them. The only jewlery he ever wore were the occasional necklaces, his gauges, his snakebites and the stud above his lip. He couldn't ever find any braclets that he like enough to wear. He messed with the bandana that was tied around his neck and pulled one of his knees up to his chest. He draped an arm over it and looked out the window for a moment.
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Alex Thomas
Senior
Coming down...Spin around, spin around, spin around...
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Post by Alex Thomas on Feb 22, 2009 21:21:03 GMT -6
And I don’t want the world to see me…
…Cause I don’t think that they’d understand. "Building walls, being alone, causing others pain because of things i've done." Alex laughed kind of bitterly at that statement. He knew exactly what that was like. “Kinda messed up, but…that’s just how it is,” he said with a small shrug. He knew his logic probably didn’t make sense to many people; but, he had a feeling that even if his and Matthew’s stories weren’t exactly the same, they could at least relate. He smiled a bit when the other boy studied and commented on the homemade jewelry he wore. “A few dollars spent at Wal-Mart helped to create it.” Alex wasn’t ever ashamed to admit he was one of the poor students in the school. He didn’t go shopping in the shopping district like everyone else. He stayed in the dorms because he had to in order to meet the requirements of the scholarship he was on. Help from his sister and random part-time jobs were going to pay for his schooling after high-school. They both were silent for a while, Alex was lost in his thoughts and he figured Matthew was to. He was so lost in his thoughts that he barely registered that he quietly said, “But, pushing them away doesn’t hurt as much as knowing you’re not good enough.” He looked startled for a few seconds, probably resembling a deer caught in the headlights or something. He couldn’t believe he’d just said that out loud. He’d not even really thought that to himself before. Sure, he kind of had, but never really in that context.tag;; matthew word count;; 259 ooc;;
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Post by Matthew Razorblade on Feb 22, 2009 21:35:50 GMT -6
Matthew nodded. He knew what the boy meant. He chuckled softly. "Yeah isn't walmart the best. I also like target's dollar section. Kansas had the best target." He said simply. Yeah he had plenty of money but that dind't mean he spent it. He worked his ass off at the family fun center and at hot topic to make his own money so that he didn't have to spend his parents. There was silence for a moment and he almost didn't catch the boy's words but when he did they slowly processed in his mind. "Of course not, because that's what you worry about. You know you're not good enough for them. They deserve better than your fucked up self. You decide that they deserve better than whatever you try to be." He muttered. He got up and moved towards the window. He scanned the grounds with dark brown eyes. He could see all the happy kids bustling about having fun on a bright saturday. A solemn look came upon his face. His lips moved softly as he said the sentance that was on his mind. "sometimes death seems better than taking on the heartaches of the world." The boy didn't realize how true that statement was for Matthew. All those times he had almost died.
The doctors had tried to shake some sense into him but it didn't work. He only got worse. The light shined on Matthews face making him look younger than he really was. He was about seventeen, but then he looked so vulnerable. He hadn't let anyone see this side of him, ever. It was different. He retreated from the window and instantly wrapped that rock around his heart once more, hiding it, hiding himself from the world. He didn't know why he could tell this boy so much so easily. Maybe it was because they shared the same heartaches, or maybe it was something else he had no idea.
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Alex Thomas
Senior
Coming down...Spin around, spin around, spin around...
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Post by Alex Thomas on Feb 22, 2009 22:09:07 GMT -6
And I don’t want the world to see me…
…Cause I don’t think that they’d understand. Alex nodded as Matthew made his way over to the window. He smiled sadly when he looked over at the other boy. He then looked down at his hands and found that he’d absent-mindedly pulled out his cell phone. He frowned as he put the cellular device back into his pocket. "sometimes death seems better than taking on the heartaches of the world." Alex brushed his hair back out of his face as he nodded slightly, barely making out what the other boy had said. He’d felt that many times; but, he’d never tried to take his life…save the time he OD’d. He often found himself wishing that his sister hadn’t found him that night. He wished she’d have come just a few minutes later, because it’d have been too late by then. But, then…he knew if she hadn’t, he wouldn’t have ever met Lizzy, his niece who’d quickly became his world when he returned home clean. And, he wouldn’t have met Cody, who’d completely turned his world upside down.
He looked up at Matthew and said, “ But, then there’re the good things you’d have missed out on. Maybe it’s better to make them count for more than the bad stuff.” Alex laughed in a slightly bitter manner as he smiled slightly before looking down at his hands again. He usually wasn’t one for optimistic thinking. He was quite the pessimist. He had no idea where that thought came from. It reminded him of something Cody would’ve told him. Fucking kid, he thought. A bitterly amused tone could be heard in his thoughts, which made him laugh out loud a little. “Sorry…I just…” he shook his head and shrugged, not quite sure how to explain what was going through his head. “I’m not usually optimistic, you know. But, someone I successfully pushed away was.” He shook his head again, a smile tugging at his lips. “He is so annoying, I swear.”tag;; matthew word count;; 322 ooc;;
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Post by Matthew Razorblade on Feb 22, 2009 22:25:29 GMT -6
'But, then there’re the good things you’d have missed out on. Maybe it’s better to make them count for more than the bad stuff.' Matthew shrugged. "yeah i guess." he said looking at his music sheet thinking. He chewed on his lip as he sat down. The boy's laugh pulled him from his thoughts. A smile tugged at his lips. "He was annoying, but you couldn't help but like him? Am i right?" He said absentmidedly. He knew someone like that. An old friend from Kansas. His mind was still on something good that had happened to him recently. Of course this boy was older. He added up the years that he said he'd been here. He was a senior. Being younger had it's disadvantages.
Matthew's head was spinning. He wanted some tequila. He wanted to wash the memories away. The clean hospitals and all that blood. Thinking about it now he wanted to throw up. Whenever he smelled the blood now it made him want to be sick. He dug in his quitar case where rhis pills and his bottle were hidden. The simple water bottle was filled with the clear tequila. He smiled at it. His only friend. He thought back to the boy's earlier. "Yes but when the bad stuff is more than the good how do you do that?" He asked him with a slightly dazed look. He didn't care if this boy thought he was crazy or not. "I've tried to kill myself four times, and each time my sister managed to save me." He said, "Hell if I know how though." He untwisted the blue cap of the bottle and took a big gulp of it. It made him warm inside and made him smile evilly. He didn't know if this boy drank or, but he offered the bottle anyways.
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Alex Thomas
Senior
Coming down...Spin around, spin around, spin around...
Posts: 86
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Post by Alex Thomas on Feb 22, 2009 22:48:20 GMT -6
And I don’t want the world to see me…
…Cause I don’t think that they’d understand. He laughed a bit when Matthew asked if he couldn’t help but like him. He smiled slightly and said, “Yeah; but I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s finally given up on me.” Alex shrugged a bit, knowing full well that he had a chance to make things right, but was still unsure as to if he wanted to make things right. He hated the thought that he’d hurt Cody; but, he wanted to see him with someone he deserved to be with…and it wasn’t him. Alex was pulled from his thoughts about the junior when Matthew spoke again. "Yes but when the bad stuff is more than the good how do you do that?" Alex furrowed his brow in thought before saying, “I don’t know. I guess I’m still trying to figure that out.” He frowned when he heard Matthew say he’d tried to take his life four times. He couldn’t even begin to think of what the other boy was going through. Alex had only ever tried the once, only to end up in the hospital with a tube down his throat. “At least she cares enough to try.” That had to count for something right? That she’d helped him all those times proved that someone cared. But sometimes, he knew that having just that one person wasn’t enough. He shook his head when Matthew offered him the tequila. “I’ve had bad experiences with that stuff.” He shuddered visibly when he remembered the last time he’d had the drink.tag;; matthew word count;; ooc;;
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Post by Matthew Razorblade on Feb 22, 2009 22:57:40 GMT -6
Matthew let the boy's words process in his mind. He didn't say anything in response he just pressed the bottle once more to his lips. He shrugged when the boy said he didn't want it. "I have too, but you can't blame me for loving it." He said with a chuckle. He couldn't help it. He wasn't going to act like he was one of those kids who didn't party hard and not remember anything the next day. He was who he was. He put the top back on the bottle and buried it back in his guitar case. He turned back to the boy with a soft smile. "Ah, Tell me more about yourself." This boy was interesting, so unique. He was different than most people here. He played a soft intricate tune on the piano as he awaited the boys answer.
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Alex Thomas
Senior
Coming down...Spin around, spin around, spin around...
Posts: 86
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Post by Alex Thomas on Feb 22, 2009 23:14:59 GMT -6
And I don’t want the world to see me…
…Cause I don’t think that they’d understand. “Uhm, well…I live on campus because of my scholarship. My mom’s a drug addict and my dad hates me,” he replied calmly. None of it really bothered him anymore. People often found it eerie how he could talk about things like his parents without much emotion. But, he always just shrugged it off. They’d always been that way, it was all he knew. And, he knew it wasn’t going to change, so why let it bother him more by letting other people know just how much it bothered him? “I like blasting my music when I work. I wouldn’t wish my thoughts on anyone. I hate that stupid Note thing at the back of the school. I regret many things in my life. And, there’s nothing I hate more in this world right now than myself. And, yeah…there’s not much else to say.” He wasn’t sure what else to say, because for one he wasn’t really used to talking to someone else about himself and for two he didn’t really think there was much else to say about himself.
He sighed softly when he realized he’s pulled out his phone again and had been tossing it from hand to hand. He stared at the small black object before looking up at Matthew. He continued fiddling with the phone for a little while as he contemplated asking the other boy a question. He bit his lip for a second before saying, “If you had a chance to make things right with someone you hurt…would you?” He didn’t know how or even if Matthew’s answer would affect whether or not he called the newest number stored in his phone or he deleted it like a part of him was telling him to do.tag;; matthew word count;; ooc;;
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